I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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