I'm going to jail i love you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
