i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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