my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
