I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
