If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
