How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
