I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
