it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
