So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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