Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
