Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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