Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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