Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
