this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
