just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She bit a glass in half.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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