go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
