what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
