This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
time to smoke my breakfast
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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