were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she peed on how many people?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
