Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did not marry a roomba.
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