My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
