I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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