you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you would pick up someone in the library
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
