What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
