Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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