Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
