Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
