i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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