sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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