You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
