would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
