your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize