Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
third nipple confirmed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
