you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
