I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
