jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
