i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
