I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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