id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize