also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
