i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
