I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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