Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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