my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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