I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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