She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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