I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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