I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
