Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
