i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
