My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
