FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
