it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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