Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
