Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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