I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
