i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
