Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
