Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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