I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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