I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
