Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
