I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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